Side By Side
by pocketcucco
Summary: Anders and Hawke find a place to rest in the hours after they escape Kirkwall.


I actually wrote this MONTHS ago when I was finally getting back into writing again and I've been picking at it since, so I think it's time to post it and put it out in the world. I'm so soft for these two :(

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**_Side By Side_**

The back roads were dark and quiet, even with the flames of Kirkwall glowing in the far distance. Hawke could still taste the ash and smoke in the back of her throat, could feel where silent tears had tracked their way down the soot on her cheeks. She wiped at her face, even though she knew she was just smearing the mess around. She couldn't quite bring herself to care.

"Marian, please, a moment..."

Hawke forced herself to a reluctant stop. Anders trailed along behind her; she could hear the slow tread of his boots against the hard-packed dirt. She resented him for a moment before she pushed the feeling away.

"We should find somewhere to rest for the night," he said. "And maybe part of the morning, too. It won't be safe to move in full daylight."

"I agree."

Hawke scanned the horizon. The plains beyond the walls of Kirkwall were vast and mostly empty; but if she squinted, she thought she could see farmland in the distance. A barn silhouetted against the fiery sky.

"I wonder if we can stay there?" she said. She was beginning to feel the dull ache in her arms and legs now that she was standing still.

"Perhaps, if we don't ask."

Hawke met Anders's gaze. There was a mischievous glint in his eyes. Maker, she thought all the humor had left him in these years before this awful night.

The light was gone in the moment it took for her to blink. Anders was back to his new self, tired and strained. The lines in his face were so prominent.

"Yes," she said after a moment's pause. "Let's go. Carefully, now. We don't know if they have any dogs."

The words brought another bout of fresh pain. Hawke left her beloved mabari hound behind in Kirkwall – Carver was supposed to take her with him back to wherever the Wardens were currently staying, and she knew Orana would take good care of her in the meantime, but she couldn't help worrying. That loyal hound had been with her for years.

A hand at her shoulder. Hawke jumped, reached for her staff.

"It's only me, love," Anders asked. He was close enough that she felt his breath whisper against her cheek. "Are you okay?"

"Yes. Come on."

They set off across the fields together. The grasses were long, still in the night. Hawke brushed them aside with the tips of her fingers.

Neither of them spoke again until they were in the darkness of the barn. Hawke did a quick check before either of them settled, but found nothing – no animals, aside from a few mice and semi-feral barn cats. She found Anders waiting for her in the hay loft above.

"Hay is just as uncomfortable a bed as I remember it," he said as he shrugged out of his black coat and spread it across the floor. "You wake up with it poking all sorts of places... Not that a straw mattress is much better."

Hawke smiled, but it was forced, bitter. She hadn't much felt like joking in the (many, _many_) hours since the chantry explosion. She had no idea why Anders did, given everything he had done.

She set her staff aside and settled herself beside him. The ache was settling into her muscles, her bones. She felt like she could sleep for days, though she was still too keyed up to do more than sit and listen to the sounds of the night. They would have to be up in a few hours' time to continue their journey before the owners of the barn found them.

"You should try to get some sleep, love," Anders said. "I can keep watch for the night."

"No, you need your rest too."

He didn't respond right away. Hawke turned and met his gaze.

Her heart broke a little.

Anders looked so tired, exhausted and beyond rest. She could see the circles under his eyes even in the darkness of the barn. She wanted so badly to reach out and brush the stray hair from his cheek, but something stopped her.

"You're upset with me, and that's completely understandable," he said after a pause. "But you know I can't - won't - apologize for what I did."

"I know."

"I am sorry that you got dragged into all of this."

"Are you?"

He turned away, his mouth a hard line. "You want justice for the mages too. It was a miracle we stayed apostates in Kirkwall for so many years, especially given how famous you became."

"I think that was what saved us. Up until the end, at least."

"That might be true." His tone was a little more apologetic. "Thank you for staying with me, Marian. I know this isn't the ideal life, but... There's no one I would rather do this with. No one."

"I still love you. Even if I am upset with you for keeping all of this from me until now."

"I know. I love you too. Always."

He kissed her, soft and gentle and filled with the love he spoke of. Hawke finally put a hand to his lightly stubbled cheek, ran her finger across its rough surface.

Her breathing was uneven when they pulled apart. Anders' eyebrows about shot up to his forehead.

"Are you crying? Marian, love, I'm-"

"I'm fine," she said, wiping desperately at her eyes. Maker damn her, she _was _crying – a little, at least. She snuffled loudly.

Anders pressed his lips to her forehead. "Talk to me."

"I'm just... I'm tired, I think. I'm so tired. It's all getting to me, is all. Everything that's been happening."

The tears had mostly stopped by then, but Anders was still alarmed. He took the ragged hem of his sleeve and used it to dry her cheeks. She realized this was probably one of the first times he'd seen her actually _cry._

"I know, I know," he soothed. "You've been through a lot. It will... Well, I won't say it will be _easier _here on out, of course, but... You don't have to wear Champion title anymore. You don't have to take care of Kirkwall or anyone but yourself."

"And you."

"And me. I'm easy, at least. Housebroken and everything." He flashed that charming smile, and she laughed quietly. Anders leaned forward to kiss the tip of her nose.

"It's just us now."

"Yes."

"The Champion and her apostate sidekick. We make quite the team, don't we?"

She snickered again, softly. "You absolute idiot. I'm supposed to be upset with you and you're not making it easy."

Anders wrapped his arms around her middle and pulled her close. Hawke nestled down beside him in the scratchy hay, her head against his chest. She could just barely make out the gentle beat of his heart.

"That's fine," he said. His voice was a dull rumble in her ear. "Just stay with me."

"I will. You get some sleep."

"No, I said I was going to-"

"Shut up and sleep."


End file.
